Almost Remember

Lately i throw myself at the crowd. Before, i used to take the secluded road there , now i take the most crowded road and charge ahead. I just want to stare at the people around me. I seriously see the world, not the cursory glance in an occupied head. i see. Each smile on their face, each gesture. Its as if i thrive on it, but hasnt it been my savior. It gave me a reason to love a place where numbness had become a norm. The walk from school in childhood and the walks on the beach during college had found a replacement.

I told myself i have claustrophobia, thats the reason i gave my friends so that i dont have to meet them in crowded malls or sit amidst people and be forcefully made a part of their conversations. I actually felt breathless and nauseous and all that. Now, theres no nausea, no breathlessness nothing. Just a sort of exhiliration.. This new found fascination just astounds me. Before, i felt the most alive when i was alone or when i was with the few someone's. Now i come alive amidst noise, people pushing you around, shouting. May be its not all crowd, may be its to do with Mumbai. The city i am falling in love with, day by day, finally

I see the old woman, sleeping on the pavement. I see the muslims breaking their evening fast. I see the kid carrying her younger brother. I see beggars and vegetable vendors. I see the boy flying kites. I see the poor laborer giving money to the leper whilst the world passes by. I see fights over a tiny scratch on their vehicles. I see the pregnant woman. I see people walking behind a coffin. I see the old men sitting on shop benches, watching, talking. I see the dad walking his kids home from school. I see the couple holding hands. I see empty chinese restaurants. i stare blatantly and somehow in front of them i dont have to pretend. I am not answerable. I yearn though. I just see and i pass through. Its like pravy and me. We used to stare down from the top of the sandhill, she used to look at the sea and the wave, I used to look at the children playing at the seafront.

Sometimes it just takes a walk... just a walk down a crowded road... to know where you want to go..


My friend who was found dancing in the middle of the road,
'Why are you dancing in the middle of the road?' I asked
'Because i am happy' he said
'And why are you so happy?'
'Because i am dancing in the road' he said